Babies Don't Play Fair.

Seriously. Especially when you're outnumbered, 3 to 1, it's like a four way dance of death where three people all team up to beat up one guy and they don't really care about winning.

Kids do that. And it can be exasperating beyond belief. I don't believe in hitting kids, per se (jury is still out on spanking), but there are days where I think that a minor throttling would not be out of the question.

Today was one of those days.

Truthfully, it started last night. Emily was being "cute." She woke up at 3, so I changed her, went to the bathroom and then tried to feed her. As soon as the nipple hit her mouth, she was out. I sat there, tried to prod her awake and nothing. She was out.

So I put her down. And BOOM. Awake. I succeeded in feeding her but had no luck in putting her to sleep. Finally, I was ready to give up so I put her back into her bassinet where she promptly fell asleep instantly. This baby was messing with me. She thinks she's funny, but she'll learn.

(also, she's continuing the "falling asleep/waking up" thing right now... wtf)

Then, there was Matt and his goddamn big boy bed. I say it like that because there was nothing "big boy" about his behavior today. The past few nights, it has been a literal nightmare trying to get him to fall asleep. We've been sitting in the room for 45 minutes plus, and usually he's still awake when we leave. We're lucky if he stays in bed.

Today sucked extra hard because I had to pee when I took them upstairs. It was a little later than normal, so I figured they'd be out in no time. WRONG-O. 25 minutes late and he was sitting up, staring at me. I figured I'd give it a shot and go pee. As soon as I was over the gate, I heard feet hitting ground.

So I peed, went back up and heard him scuttle into bed. I hung out for a little bit and since it was quiet, decided to go check on Em before my shower. She was quiet, so I got clean. By the time I was out: pitter-patter of little feet from above, hoots and hollers from below. The team-up had begun.

Got dressed, grabbed a bottle and Em, headed upstairs. Matt had unloaded a library into Lilly's crib, and she was sitting flipping through the books while he did the same on the floor outside her crib. I grabbed the books, put him in his crib and sat there. For another 45 minutes.

Lilly jumped up and down in her crib. Matt sat and stared at me. Em fussed and continued to spit the nipple from the bottle out of her mouth. Believe it or not, this was really, really annoying. Like I was being taunted from all sides. Finally, I cracked. I set Em down, and grabbed the sides for Matt's bed and changed it back into a crib.

THen I walked out of the room (with Em, of course). They fussed and cried, but eventually they went to sleep.

But it doesn't end there.

After nap was a nightmare. Em fussed and fussed and fussed and fussed and fussed endlessly. Nothing that I could do was right. She wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, didn't want to be held, but didn't want to be put down.

Matt was bullying Lilly who was trying to grab the baby's bottle and everyone was trying to get a piece of me.

I tried taking the kids outside and that was a disaster. Three crying kids standing in the middle of my driveway? NOT FUN.

Eventually, Vanessa came home and let me escape for a bit. I needed it. Oh God, did I ever need it. When I came home, I was relaxed, Vanessa was getting the kids ready for bed and there was a picture on the table for me. It was from a Star Wars coloring book and it said, "Daddy, you are our hero." Damn cute kids doing things to make me forget why I was so upset in the first place.