Parenting is not a straight line from A to B.

More like a curly cue with several zigs, a handful of zags and a loop de loop or four. I think that, without any false sense of bravado, I can say that this is especially true for my family.

Matt and Emily are adopted. This process can be long, tedious and costly, even under the best situation. Ours is even more twisted because their biological mother is my adopted sister. The circumstances of their removal (at birth) from her care isn't a nice one. Let's just say that it is completely and utterly not a safe place to raise a child.

When CSB called us about Matt's case, Vanessa and I knew that we had to be a part of his life. Every child deserves the best, and very rarely do they get it. THe foster care system is a fucked up, flawed place where kids fall through the cracks, get tossed from home to home and the guidelines for who can and cannot be a foster parent are pretty slack. So we stepped in to be mom and dad.

But things hit a speed bump pretty early on. Bio Mom was pissed at our family, convinced that it was our fault that Matt was taken from her in the first place. So she went into to court and said that my family was a bunch of bad people and that we would hurt Matt to get back at her.

So we fought. We hired a lawyer and inserted ourselves into the case. We were bound and determined to provide the best life outcome for Matt. Even when it seemed hopeless, we persevered. Eventually, Bio Mom came around and saw that her case was pretty much doomed, and signed off on us having legal custody. Matt came home to stay a week after Lilly was born. So in one week, we went from having zero kids to having a newborn and a one year old.

Eventually, word got back to us that Bio Mom was pregnant again. The first question everyone asked was, "Are you going to take this one too?" And from the start, we said no. The process was too painful, too long and we didn't want to put our family through it again. From the start, we knew that we were lying. Of course we were going to do it.

There are a lot of reasons: this is our son's sister. The repercussions of NOT doing it are astronomical. There are so many questions that Matt could ask that I don't ever want to have to answer. And I won't ever have to. Because things went very differently this time.

CSB stepped in as soon as Emily was born. This time, Bio Mom said that Vanessa and I should take Emily so that she could be with her brother. This was before anyone ever spoke to us about the matter. The phone call that we got was essentially, "This is CSB. We're taking custody of Emily Beane. Bio Mom would like you to take kinship care while she works her case plan."

The discussion that we had with Bio Mom was short and simple, "I don't want to work a case plan. I can't get my head out of the water, this is what's best for her." It was the most grown up decision that I've ever seen her make, and I was very proud of her for doing it. Then, I very literally carried her baby out of the room, taking her away from her forever.

It was one of the worst moments of my life, because I could hear Bio Mom's heart breaking. The flip-side is that I knew how much better off Emily would be with us.

Yesterday was a big day because we went to court. Usually, after 30 days, there is a hearing where the details of the case plan are discussed in order to achieve reunification. To the judge's surprise, Bio Mom was foregoing that, asking for Full Legal custody to be placed with Vanessa and I.

Seems like a straight line, but it isn't. We were awarded Temporary Legal Custody while we wait for Bio Dad's paternity test to come back. Even though it was court ordered and CSB bent over backwards to make it happen, he didn't take it on time so the results hadn't come back...

Obvious questions that people have:
How and why are Vanessa and I willing to do this?
--Short answer? Because it's important and because we have been blessed (by God? I dunno if I want to go there) with the strength and determination to do it. That or we're too stupid to say no. Take your pick.

How can you say that you feel the same for Matt and Emily as you do for Lilly, your biological daughter?
--Easy. I'll give you an example. Emily failed her first two hearing tests in the hospital, so she had to be rechecked. For the test, they put me in a separate room while they hooked electrodes and all kinds of machinery to her. The sick feeling that I got in my stomach was identical to the one I got when we had an echo-cardiogram for Lilly to make sure that she was healthy, or when she had a minor surgery under her tongue. My reaction to Matt's pains and sicknesses are identical. The feelings that I get when Matt snuggles me versus when Lilly does it are the same. Forever and ever, these are my children. No matter how they came to be here, they are.

What are you going to tell the kids?
--The truth. They deserve it. Hiding it won't accomplish anything.

Do you really think that you can make it work?
--Absolutely. See question number one. Also, because we have an amazing support system. Also, as an incredibly smart man told me, "If anyone can make it work, it's you Beanes."

What about the next one?
--Shut up. I don't want to think about it.

I know that it doesn't make sense to a lot of people, and that's OK. It doesn't have to. It only has to make sense to Vanessa, me and the kids.